Monday, October 27, 2003
10-27-03
My last blog entry. I just wanted to thank those who read this thing who laughed and gave me feedback or fed me the fuel to write this little daily therapy session. I kinda feel like it’s the last day of high school and I should be throwing all my books and locker contents on the floor for “Jeb” to clean it all up while I look forward to the bright light hitting my eyes as I push through the metal clanking doors that have held me in. Well, that’s what my shrink said it should be like. I have another blog at http://yapstories.blogspot.com/ if you want to read some past stuff, I will be discontinuing that blog but I’m trying to think up few more blogs to write on, so if you want to keep following me on the literati journey I’d love to have you tag along.
My last blog entry. I just wanted to thank those who read this thing who laughed and gave me feedback or fed me the fuel to write this little daily therapy session. I kinda feel like it’s the last day of high school and I should be throwing all my books and locker contents on the floor for “Jeb” to clean it all up while I look forward to the bright light hitting my eyes as I push through the metal clanking doors that have held me in. Well, that’s what my shrink said it should be like. I have another blog at http://yapstories.blogspot.com/ if you want to read some past stuff, I will be discontinuing that blog but I’m trying to think up few more blogs to write on, so if you want to keep following me on the literati journey I’d love to have you tag along.
Tuesday, October 14, 2003
10-14-03
I’m waiting to get on the road to the dieway and this punk just sits there with his finger poking out the top of his head, I almost missed the light so I rocketed past him, this was the same punk who minutes before did not wait his turn at our 4-way stop. Now I’m on the racetrack and people are whizzing past me, this I cannot have. And the 30 day paper tags you see on cars, those are to let you know that the person driving that car will go slow, get in your way and generally tick you off for the next however many days are left from the date of purchase. This lady in a Malibu has 19 more days before she has to drive like a normal person, live it up skirt! Since yesterday was Columbus Day the roads were free of retards and maladroits, but wake up today and the funny farm gate has swung wide frickin open. I’m trying to get off the highway and this old man is trying to get on, he practically squeezes me out of my lane, but he doesn’t, I don’t care if he gets discounts on his milk and movies I’m not getting over so he can get on. He either flips me off or gives the guy behind him the old man “okay” sign, I couldn’t tell. But getting flipped off by someone who mirrors the speed limit is funny. Old people have been getting away with driving slow since the first chassis rolled away from Henry Ford’s factory. I finally get off without incident and pull up to the light, this lady in a new VW, paper tag and all, is at the light, it’s on a hill, she has enough room in front of her to play Bocce Ball so I get on her tail so she will get the hint to move up (they always do) but this opposite sex with make-up applied with a trowel driving a Hitler mobile pushes in the clutch and starts to roll backwards! I quickly put it in reverse and move back, the truck behind me is stuck so I wait for her to hit me so I can grab my face and scream till the meat wagon arrives, but it never happens, the light turns and the green color triggers her over medicated brain and she lowers the left foot and then the right and grabs the stick wishing she was someplace else and finally gets the heck out of my way. Now back on the highway I almost wreck because some Alumni of the bad school of driving is on his cell phone and although there is a wreck 5 miles ahead he almost manages to create one right where I am, this grandma is weaving all over the road, smoke from locked tired fills the air and Mr. cell phone as I drive by him with white lips is still yakking! I had the sudden urge just to ram my car into his; post-Columbus day would be better without people like him pretending to pay attention, “Can you hear me now?”
I’m waiting to get on the road to the dieway and this punk just sits there with his finger poking out the top of his head, I almost missed the light so I rocketed past him, this was the same punk who minutes before did not wait his turn at our 4-way stop. Now I’m on the racetrack and people are whizzing past me, this I cannot have. And the 30 day paper tags you see on cars, those are to let you know that the person driving that car will go slow, get in your way and generally tick you off for the next however many days are left from the date of purchase. This lady in a Malibu has 19 more days before she has to drive like a normal person, live it up skirt! Since yesterday was Columbus Day the roads were free of retards and maladroits, but wake up today and the funny farm gate has swung wide frickin open. I’m trying to get off the highway and this old man is trying to get on, he practically squeezes me out of my lane, but he doesn’t, I don’t care if he gets discounts on his milk and movies I’m not getting over so he can get on. He either flips me off or gives the guy behind him the old man “okay” sign, I couldn’t tell. But getting flipped off by someone who mirrors the speed limit is funny. Old people have been getting away with driving slow since the first chassis rolled away from Henry Ford’s factory. I finally get off without incident and pull up to the light, this lady in a new VW, paper tag and all, is at the light, it’s on a hill, she has enough room in front of her to play Bocce Ball so I get on her tail so she will get the hint to move up (they always do) but this opposite sex with make-up applied with a trowel driving a Hitler mobile pushes in the clutch and starts to roll backwards! I quickly put it in reverse and move back, the truck behind me is stuck so I wait for her to hit me so I can grab my face and scream till the meat wagon arrives, but it never happens, the light turns and the green color triggers her over medicated brain and she lowers the left foot and then the right and grabs the stick wishing she was someplace else and finally gets the heck out of my way. Now back on the highway I almost wreck because some Alumni of the bad school of driving is on his cell phone and although there is a wreck 5 miles ahead he almost manages to create one right where I am, this grandma is weaving all over the road, smoke from locked tired fills the air and Mr. cell phone as I drive by him with white lips is still yakking! I had the sudden urge just to ram my car into his; post-Columbus day would be better without people like him pretending to pay attention, “Can you hear me now?”
Friday, October 10, 2003
10-10-03
It’s still on hiatus I just needed to write something. I’m leaving late today because I’m going out of town and I had to get stuff ready this morning along with myself and my “love children” out of bed and down the stairs. Traffic was light so I could zoom going 80mph with no recourse. I’m hauling along and this car is making the most awful racket I’ve ever heard and I tell him once he passes me on the exit ramp, yes you read that right he passed me but he was going right and I had to stop for the light, to “Get that piece of junk fixed.” My son says, “Is he driving a weed eater?” I about wreck from laughing so hard, he then says that it sounds like an angry bee too. Truly out of the mouths of babes. I then get back on the highway and some truck or car, who knows, has spilled those packing peanuts all over the highway and it looks like it’s snowing. I think someone opened a gift and this is the present? This drive to work I hate; I say send it back, postage due.
It’s still on hiatus I just needed to write something. I’m leaving late today because I’m going out of town and I had to get stuff ready this morning along with myself and my “love children” out of bed and down the stairs. Traffic was light so I could zoom going 80mph with no recourse. I’m hauling along and this car is making the most awful racket I’ve ever heard and I tell him once he passes me on the exit ramp, yes you read that right he passed me but he was going right and I had to stop for the light, to “Get that piece of junk fixed.” My son says, “Is he driving a weed eater?” I about wreck from laughing so hard, he then says that it sounds like an angry bee too. Truly out of the mouths of babes. I then get back on the highway and some truck or car, who knows, has spilled those packing peanuts all over the highway and it looks like it’s snowing. I think someone opened a gift and this is the present? This drive to work I hate; I say send it back, postage due.
Wednesday, October 08, 2003
10-8-03
I’m going to have to put the blog on hiatus for a while. I have some things at work to tend to. If you would like to submit a “drive to work” story I will gladly post the ones I get, if I get any.
I’m going to have to put the blog on hiatus for a while. I have some things at work to tend to. If you would like to submit a “drive to work” story I will gladly post the ones I get, if I get any.
Tuesday, October 07, 2003
10-7-03
Well it’s back to the roadway. I got up earlier than the sun but the fog beat me out of bed. The fog was not thick enough to have your lights on the whole time, it becomes annoying kinda like pulling into Sonic across from someone and they keep their lights on, TURN THEM OFF! Pretty soon all you can see are black spots. Traffic was moving today except for the usual “Um, I think I better slam on my breaks here, just always do.” Such creatures of habit some Dorito heads are. I haven’t seen very many Mustangs on the road lately, must the inferiority complex I’ve given the owners of those unbridled power holders. They keep those ponies locked up and outta sight, even when driving them.
Well it’s back to the roadway. I got up earlier than the sun but the fog beat me out of bed. The fog was not thick enough to have your lights on the whole time, it becomes annoying kinda like pulling into Sonic across from someone and they keep their lights on, TURN THEM OFF! Pretty soon all you can see are black spots. Traffic was moving today except for the usual “Um, I think I better slam on my breaks here, just always do.” Such creatures of habit some Dorito heads are. I haven’t seen very many Mustangs on the road lately, must the inferiority complex I’ve given the owners of those unbridled power holders. They keep those ponies locked up and outta sight, even when driving them.
Monday, October 06, 2003
10-6-03
Sorry, no blog today.
Sorry, no blog today.
Friday, October 03, 2003
10-3-03
For every bad driver I encounter I’m going to secretly wish them to juggle a hot iron, a cobra and a rotten potato. Or slide down a 50-foot razor into a pool of bubbling alcohol. They get the choice. Today this guy was driving so erratic I was going to summon Trooper Hall to take his license so he couldn’t even ride a Big Wheel. Other than that nobody wanted to race it was just starting to rain so the wipers were going and vemahicles weren’t.
For every bad driver I encounter I’m going to secretly wish them to juggle a hot iron, a cobra and a rotten potato. Or slide down a 50-foot razor into a pool of bubbling alcohol. They get the choice. Today this guy was driving so erratic I was going to summon Trooper Hall to take his license so he couldn’t even ride a Big Wheel. Other than that nobody wanted to race it was just starting to rain so the wipers were going and vemahicles weren’t.
